By Molly Varangkounh, guest contributor
I am the mom of three daughters who are now young adults. From the beginning, I have been aware that the small, ordinary choices I make every day shape how they see themselves and how they show up in the world.
Watching them grow into confident, independent young women has given me perspective I did not have at the time.
When my first daughter was born, I enjoyed my maternity leave, and I also remember feeling ready to return to work. I missed using my brain and doing work that challenged me. Parenting is challenging too, just in a different way. Almost immediately, my excitement about going back to a professional life felt like something I needed to explain. I was asked more than once whether I cried the first time I dropped her off at daycare, or if I had thought about staying home to raise her. The honest answer was no. The thought had not crossed my mind, and sometimes I felt guilty about that.
I loved my daughter and I loved being a mom, and I also loved my work. It felt like a no-brainer to figure out how to have both.
Involve them in the process
As our family grew, life filled up quickly. Activities overlapped and schedules collided. When I was traveling for work, I left behind a detailed spreadsheet so everyone knew who needed to be where and when.
My husband and I built our own system for managing the week. We held a regular family meeting and reviewed our whiteboard calendar so everyone could see what was coming up and flag anything missing or that had changed. We involved the girls early. At first, it was simply for awareness. Over time, it became clear how helpful it was. They knew what to be ready for, and we did not have to manage every detail for them. The more responsibility we shared, the smoother things ran.
People live up to your expectations
That approach carried into everyday household tasks as well. When my oldest was about 6, she complained that she had no clean underwear. Laundry was often what fell behind, and I did not have the bandwidth to keep up with it. In that moment, I had a choice. I could jump in, run a quick load and fix the problem, or I could show her how to solve it herself. I chose the second option, and it turned out to be one of the best accidental decisions I ever made as a mom. From that point on, I never did her laundry again, and we had a new family policy.
The younger two were not quite old enough to manage their own laundry at first, but they still had responsibility for making sure it happened. It started with getting their basket to the laundry room and eventually turned into doing it themselves. They learned early that if they wanted clean clothes, they knew how to make that happen. More broadly, they all learned to take ownership of figuring things out. That is still how they approach things today.
That same expectation showed up in other ways. Packing bags. Being ready on time. Thinking ahead. They were part of creating and executing the plan, not just along for the ride.
Leadership looks the same at home and at work
Over time, I noticed how much parenting shaped the way I led at work. Each of my kids has a different personality and responds differently under pressure. The same is true in leadership. A cookie-cutter approach rarely works in either place. What works for one person can be the wrong approach for another, and learning that made me a better parent and a better leader.
One of the best leadership lessons I ever learned came from a parenting article. It talked about how kids often shut down the moment they hear the word “no” and how that is usually when things escalate.
Instead of saying, “No, you can’t have ice cream until you eat dinner,” the suggestion was to say, “Yes, you can have ice cream after you eat dinner.” The answer is the same, but the small language shift changes the tone.
I realized adults respond the same way. The word “no” often creates friction. When I focused on what I could say yes to, conversations went much smoother. People were more open when they felt heard, whether they were 6 or 60.
Figure out what works for you
In our family, we valued connection, and meals were often where that happened. As the girls got older and into multiple activities, that became harder. We were going in different directions most evenings, and sitting down together was rarely possible.
Instead of dwelling on mealtimes we had lost, we adjusted. We became a sit-down breakfast family.
For years, I made a hot breakfast almost every morning. The girls were not fans of the requirement to be at the table at 6:45 every morning, but I think they appreciated it more than they admitted. It became our time to check in, talk about what was coming up and be together in a way that fit our family at the time.
Connection did not disappear. It just showed up differently.
What they carry forward
Now, as young adults, my daughters talk about those years with a clarity I did not have while living them. I recently asked them what growing up with a working mom was like. They were pretty much in agreement that it shaped them into independent, confident young women. They talked about feeling more prepared for college and adulthood because responsibility was part of everyday life. Managing their own schedules, taking care of basic things and being expected to figure things out did not feel overwhelming when they went out on their own. It felt familiar.
They also talked about how different our family felt compared to others. There were things they did that their friends did not have to do. They were expected to be ready, to help and to handle more than some of their peers. That was not always appreciated in the moment, but now I think they are thankful for it. That is just how we rolled as a family, and they see now that it is OK for families to look different and do what is right for them.
One thing that stood out to me as they talked was how little I ever had to worry about school. I was never chasing them to study or stay on top of homework. They knew what needed to get done and took care of it. I am grateful for that, and I think it had everything to do with the responsibility they were given early on.
My youngest was especially thoughtful about it. She said it was inspiring to have a mom who was a leader and doing meaningful work. She did not want to be a downer, but she was honest and said it was hard sometimes when I wasn’t there. I appreciated that. Both things can be true. Something can be inspiring and still come with challenges.
My oldest now works in finance, often as one of very few women in the room. She told me that walking into those spaces feels normal to her. She grew up watching me lead in manufacturing, another environment where women were often the exception. That exposure changed what normal looked like to her and gave her confidence to step into places that might feel intimidating to others.
There is more than one right way
There is more than one right way to build a family. Staying home can be right. Working can be right. The goal is to build a life that fits who you are and to find the support that makes it possible.
If you are a mom reading this and holding a lot at once, I hope this offers some reassurance. Wanting a life outside of your home, a role beyond “mom” or work that challenges you can feel complicated. It can come with tradeoffs. It can also teach your kids far more than you realize about independence, partnership and what it looks like to build a meaningful life.
Sharing responsibility, adjusting your approach and asking for help is part of that process. In our case, it helped our daughters grow into capable, confident adults who are comfortable stepping into the world as themselves.
Molly Varangkounh is a business owner, adviser and speaker who helps leaders build companies that create long term value while staying aligned with who they are. She spent more than 20 years leading her family’s manufacturing business as the top executive. Today, Varangkounh is a serial entrepreneur who thrives in growth mode and is known for asking the hard questions most leaders avoid. She is an advocate for young women in leadership, shaped by her own experience navigating expectations, visibility and voice inside complex organizations.
