Guest opinion: ‘Women aren’t looking for a battle over words — we’re looking for respect’
By Sarah Noll Wilson
“What about the men who are afraid to say the wrong thing?”
I was on a podcast recently and talking about ways to build stronger relationships with the team members you serve. The host appreciated my approach and followed up with, “I know a number of men that are hesitant to engage in conversations like this with women because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing — that their words might be misconstrued in this post-#MeToo world.”
I’ve been sitting with that.
And here’s what I’d like to say in response:
In my career alone, as a professional, business owner, author, keynote speaker, facilitator and researcher, I have:
- Been asked if I was married because they wanted to know if I was single in professional settings while facilitating virtually on a serious topic.
- Been told I was “smart for being so young” and “easy on the eyes.”
- Been asked in a trust-building workshop if I’d ever worn a wet T-shirt.
- Had a prospect, after I rescinded a leadership development proposal after experiencing aggression from this person, tell me I was “the most horrible person they had ever experienced” and that I should “forget they ever lived.” And then send six follow-up harassing emails throughout the day.
These are just a few examples I have experienced in just the last five years and this list doesn’t include the countless examples I didn’t include or have observed.
So, when these men say they’re nervous about being misunderstood, I can’t help but wonder — have they considered what it’s like to be correctly understood and still disregarded, objectified or harassed? Have they considered the sheer volume of inappropriate comments that women navigate — not hypothetically, but constantly?
If the fear is about “saying the wrong thing,” here’s a simple guide: If it’s something you wouldn’t say to a man in the same professional setting, maybe don’t say it to a woman.
To be clear, I know many men who don’t worry about this, because they respect the women in their lives, and they don’t view attraction as the highest possible compliment they can give a woman. Because they know that if something is said that is regrettable or unintended, they will own it and learn from it.
Mentorship, leadership and collaboration should never come with an undercurrent of gendered discomfort. Women aren’t looking for a battle over words — we’re looking for respect, just like anyone else.
Let’s shift the conversation from fear to accountability. Because the real issue isn’t that men might say the wrong thing. It’s that too many have already said the wrong thing — and too many women have had to just deal with it.
Sarah Noll Wilson is an executive coach, in-demand keynote speaker and bestselling author of “Don’t Feed the Elephants.” Noll Wilson is a contributor to Harvard Business Review and Forbes, and her expertise has been featured in BBC Radio, the Washington Post, Business Insider and the New York Post. She also hosts Conversations on Conversations, a podcast with listeners in over 80 countries.
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