On Leadership: The art of accepting recognition
It happened again. I received a call about receiving an award – and my immediate instinct was to resist it. A familiar whisper began in my head: “This can’t be right. There are countless others far more deserving.” My brain, it seems, has a default setting for “deflect and deny.” But after a deep breath, I reminded myself: Yes, others may be equally deserving – but if someone chose to recognize my work, there’s probably a good reason behind their decision.
Resisting or deflecting recognition is a reaction I’ve heard countless times from other accomplished women. Congratulate them on a well-earned achievement, and you’ll often hear: “Oh, it was nothing” or “So-and-so on the team really did most of the work.” It’s as if we’ve been handed the same secret script for minimizing our brilliance. While humility has its place, it’s equally important – especially for women – to accept recognition with grace. I vividly recall a former boss, after I downplayed his praise after a successful client presentation, smiling and firmly instructing me: “Look, when someone hands you a compliment like that, there’s only one acceptable response – ‘Thank you.'”
This simple “thank you” proves elusive for many. In the Inc. article “Science Shows Accepting a Compliment Takes a Little Courage (and a Lot of Emotional Intelligence),” author Jeff Hadan references a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showing that individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to accept compliments, doubting their sincerity. Even for those with confidence, discomfort often creeps in.
Similarly, a Harvard Business Review article, “What to Do When Praise Makes You Uncomfortable,” by Mark Goulston explores research from Christopher Littlefield of AcknowledgementWorks. Littlefield found that while 88% of people associate recognition with feeling valued, nearly 70% feel discomfort or even embarrassment receiving it. This explains why so many of us play “compliment ping-pong”: deflecting praise by immediately reciprocating, shifting credit to a team or downplaying our role entirely. These knee-jerk responses, shaped by culture and habit, undermine the compliment’s intent.
But here’s the truth: Recognition is often more about the giver than the receiver. When someone offers you an award or kind words, they’re sharing their experience of your impact – not asking for your agreement. Rejecting it is like declining a thoughtful gift. Instead, accept it and, if you’re able, let them know their words mattered. That simple exchange validates their decision and generosity.
For women, this struggle is intensified by social conditioning that rewards modesty and discourages self-acknowledgement. A Psychology Today article, “Why Women Can’t Accept Compliments,” by Jen Kim cites research that shows women with high self-esteem may reject compliments to appear modest, reinforcing cultural expectations. But when we consistently deflect recognition, we reinforce a cycle that silences not just ourselves, but other women as well.
By accepting praise – whether in the form of awards, kind words or compliments – we model a healthier behavior. We show others, especially the next generation of women, that it’s not only acceptable but essential to acknowledge our contributions. It strengthens our leadership and cultivates a culture of mutual recognition.
Most of us do not do our work to receive honors or awards. But ultimately, even if we believe we don’t need recognition, life is enriched by it. When we deflect praise, we shut ourselves off from connection, appreciation and inspiration. By relating to recognition as a gift, becoming mindful of our responses and practicing a simple “thank you,” we create space for authentic gratitude – both given and received.
So let’s normalize hearing and accepting the appreciation that comes our way. The next time someone offers you an award, recognition or praise – just pause, take a breath, and simply say, “Thank you.”
Insights from Leaders
I turned to local leaders and asked them to share a moment when they were recognized or praised for their work – and how they responded to it.
Sophia S. Ahmad, vice president of philanthropy, WesleyLife
Serving in philanthropy has taught me an important lesson. We live in a world of gratitude and we must model receiving it as gracefully as we share it.
Accepting recognition honors the giver’s perspective and completes the circle of appreciation. By accepting recognition, we acknowledge the effort others invested in noticing that contribution. When we deflect praise, we reject a gift – the gift of knowing that our efforts are making a difference. Accepting a compliment also provides an opportunity to recognize others who worked alongside us or behind the scenes to make an initiative, experience or project possible.
By accepting recognition gracefully, we also model to others – especially the next generation of women – that acknowledging our contributions is acceptable and essential.
When providing recognition, I enjoy focusing on how the recipient earned the acknowledgment. This intentional specificity honors their deliberate actions and unique contributions, acknowledging the proactive role they played in their achievement.
Liz Cooney, DEI practitioner
I’m someone who is uncomfortable with public recognition and praise. Because like many women, I’ve been conditioned to not take full credit whenever others could be thanked or praised for their contributions also. So, when two colleagues nominated me for an award that I eventually won, I struggled not to attribute my professional success to those who coached, supported and guided me along the way. It was when I recently nominated a friend for a professional award that I understood the power of this public moment. Not only was I thrilled that they won, but I see the ripple effect of inspiration that such a moment has on others. So, whether you are giving or receiving the praise, enjoy the moment. We know it takes a village but you deserve the individual spotlight every once in a while. Soak it up, give thanks, then pay it forward.
Ana Coppola, public health planner, Polk County Health Department
When I was called to write this article, my first thought was how honored I felt to be chosen. Recognition that I bring value.
However, after further consideration, I thought that this topic has nothing to do with me. It is more about the recognition of others when they excel. For instance, recognizing someone who’s giving their best, even though you may be doubling their output.
The art of recognition is the ability to recognize when you’ve done wrong and take steps to remedy. It is having the courage to say “I’m sorry.” And the desire to find out how you make things better.
At the end of the day, it’s about being a good person for yourself and the community.
Jacquie Easley McGhee, division director, health equity, MercyOne
The importance of accepting praise was a lesson I learned 30 years ago when I was recognized by the Business Record with their inaugural Community Involvement award. I am indebted to Connie Wimer for lifting me up at a challenging point where I was struggling to balance my professional career with a demanding volunteer position as president of the Des Moines School Board while raising a 4-year-old child. At the time, I was the first woman elected to the board who worked full-time outside the home. This recognition allowed me to share my experience and emboldened other professional women to pursue community board and commission roles.
A final thought on accepting praise: A woman approached me in the grocery store and told me she had been following me as I presided over board meetings, saying: “You really have improved.” I responded: “Thank you for watching and caring about our community.”
Angela Jackson, owner/design consultant, The Great Frame Up
This week I shared with a colleague how impressed I was that her efforts on an innovative project continuing to flourish to benefit our community. I told her to “take your flowers.” Initially she refused my praise instead giving credit to others as women often do.
After much encouragement she walked away with a bouquet of imaginary flowers in her hands and a BIG smile.
Later in the afternoon of the same day, a different colleague walked into my office and gave me a fresh bouquet of sunflowers. It was a full circle moment. So I received them warmly with joy! The art of recognition allows us to see the beauty in others and uplift them. It also can significantly contribute to our own well-being when we are recognized for our personal contributions.
Beth Jones, director of community impact, Delta Dental of Iowa
To me, recognition is a powerful tool that goes beyond acknowledging someone’s efforts; it builds relationships. Whether it is recognizing another team member, or receiving recognition, the art of saying thank you is equally meaningful for both the giver and the receiver. The “Iowa nice” culture is special and something that makes us unique, it also makes it easy to deflect compliments and recognition. The simple act of saying thank you is something I have worked on recently due to my role providing organization-wide training focused on feedback. I have learned it takes bravery and thoughtfulness to recognize others, so it is important to me to receive the praise in a grateful way. A mutual exchange without deflection fosters a positive environment, strengthens relationships and promotes a culture of appreciation. Embracing the art of saying thank you can transform simple acknowledgments into profound moments of connection and encouragement.
