My entire life, the women around me have lamented growing older.
There was the refusal to reveal one’s age. The expensive products that claimed to brighten and tighten every inch of a woman’s body. The longing for the energy and ability to move that had dissipated over the years. The looks that seemed to tell me, “One day, you’re going to hate your body, too.”
There were some pitfalls of aging that made sense to me. More responsibility seemed overwhelming. The increased pain and tiredness didn’t sound fun. I understood that the adults in my life were becoming familiar with the fragility of life and how easily it could be taken away.
This fear of aging is widespread. In a 2020 study in the Journal of Aging Studies, women of every age group worried more about how aging will affect their physical appearance than men of the same age. In a 2024 survey from Luvly, nearly half of women respondents reported that fears around aging were negatively affecting their mental health.
The Anti-Aging Services – Global Strategic Business Report estimates the global market for anti-aging services at $59.7 billion in 2024 and projects it to reach $92 billion by 2030.
I couldn’t help but think – what if I don’t want to spend years of my life and tons of money hating my body for existing over time?
These negative attitudes toward growing older conceal how beautiful the experience can be. According to a joint survey between AARP and National Geographic, 2 out of 3 adults aged 80 and older say they’re living their best possible life or something close to it, compared with 1 in 5 younger adults. In a 2020 study conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation, 65% of adults aged 50-80 reported feeling their life at their age was better than they had anticipated.
It’s time to change the narrative on what the process of aging can be. I spoke with six women about what they’ve enjoyed and learned as they aged.
Dr. Rachelle Keck, president, Grand View University:
I’m enjoying my 55th year on this earth and I feel like I’m in a prime period of my life. My children are grown, my spouse is fantastic and I am focused on new areas of growth in what I consider to be my “second semester of life.”
The idea that our crystallized intelligence continues to grow during this phase of life is so evident to me. I feel as though my life experiences enable me to connect the dots and see solutions with more clarity and speed than ever before. I am confident in who I am and who I am becoming, while also excited to continue this journey of growth and curiosity.
My word of the year is “energy” and I am leaning into what fuels my energy and what drains my energy, and tweaking my choices accordingly. There are activities and people who can drain my energy; if I can avoid, eliminate or lessen these in my life, I do. While I care deeply about people, I care less about what “other people” in general think of me and my choices. As I’ve gotten older, I realize people think about me far less than I used to think they did; most people are concentrating on themselves and their own goals. It’s so freeing to see this and understand this deep within.
I’m looking forward to what’s next and see possibility everywhere.
Stephanie Murphy, executive director, Neighborhood Finance Corp.:
There is something about knowing that my career will come to a close sooner rather than later (I haven’t set a date!); it provides a sense of urgency to share knowledge I have gained with others to carry the mission forward, focus on finding solutions (my passion is affordable and safe homeownership that improves neighborhoods and communities) and a boldness to say what may need to be said to move projects forward.
I am fortunate to lead a great team at Neighborhood Finance Corp. and serve on boards with other great women leaders that inspire me every day. Part of getting older is taking time to celebrate the successes and personal growth of those around me. I have met so many of my goals, now is the time to lift up others to keep the good fight going.
Amy Landrigan, executive director, the Beacon:
There’s a theory called “Socioemotional Selectivity Theory,” which is all about how, as you age, your friend group gets smaller. That’s part of healthy aging, where you are deciding, who should I give my time to? Who should I give my energy to? So these people that have drained me and been toxic, do I need to give my time to them anymore?
You’ve got to know yourself first before you can have healthy friends, and so that’s a wonderful joy of aging. I found that I’m getting to know myself more and more every day. I’m getting to explore who I am and who I spend my time with, and now I have these friends that are people I can share my joys with, my obstacles with. These are friends that support me in what I do. These are friends that want to spend their time similarly to mine.
Mary Kramer, retired, former Iowa senator and United States ambassador:
I’ve been through a lot of decades of change and what have you. I’ve never feared aging. I don’t think I’m finished contributing, and I think that’s what keeps me active and engaged and eager to do things like speak on civility and appear on panels about women’s issues. You have to have the passion for it. I don’t think you can plan to get older, but I think you can plan to contribute for a long time.
You should think about what you will be doing. It is my joy to do a lot of mentoring and coaching now with younger women, and I tell them when they’re debating a career change, “this is not going to be for the rest of your life. So you’ve got to prepare to say, “Yes, I can do this and do it well.’” Everything I’ve done has helped me to add to the “yes, I can do this” feeling.
Julie Matternas, executive director of foundation, EveryStep:
You kind of have no choice but to evolve. Sixty today is so much different than when my grandmother was 60. I kind of look at it as I’m much more confident and I don’t feel like I have to prove anything in my career anymore. I’ve had a very successful career. It’s really great to enjoy my children as adults. For the first time in a really long time, I get to focus on me, which it’s so easy to forget about yourself and not put yourself first, especially if you’re working and you have kids. My husband and I have started traveling, which we really didn’t have time and money for when we were raising our kids. We’re doing lots of things that we can really enjoy.
I had a brother who died of multiple myeloma at 49, so even though it’s hard to be looking at 60, I also try to have an attitude that it’s a privilege to still be around. He would have loved to have seen his kids grow up, so that just gives you a different perspective.
Linda Mason Hunter, writer:
For me, it’s been very important to listen to the voice in my soul, which I call an entelechy. Everyone has one, and it’s supposed to be like the voice of truth in your soul that guides you through life. That has really guided me so that I didn’t follow what the culture said I should do and be, but what was best for me. I learned that it was wisdom and I learned to rely on it more. You have to want to follow it and follow your passion.
I would tell my younger self: You’re smarter than you think you are. Be who you are. Don’t be who others think you should be. There are no mistakes, there are just challenges. I don’t believe in mistakes, I believe in lessons.
Categories: Confidence
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