BY EVA MORALES
Maybe you’ve heard of the phrase “chasing unicorns” before. It is defined as pursuing an unattainable object or impossible goal, especially when it diverts effort or resources away from an existing commitment or practical plan. Isn’t that what chasing after work-life balance feels like?
In the glossy pages of lifestyle magazines and the serene corners of Instagram, the concept of work-life balance is dangled in front of women and portrayed as a perfectly orchestrated dance where professional success and personal fulfillment equally coexist. We’re told that with the right strategies, tools and mindset, we can seamlessly juggle client meetings, courtroom appearances, school drop-offs, bath times and bedtimes.
It’s presented to us as a feasible and desirable goal that suggests there is an equilibrium where work responsibilities and family commitments intertwine harmoniously without one overshadowing the other. For decades, this concept of work-life balance has been the holy grail for working women seeking a fulfilling life.
I graduated from law school in 2014 – at the height of the #GirlBoss era and the rise of hustle culture. As a young attorney, I fully bought into this mentality, and my first office was replete with visuals reflecting this. The background image on my computer was of Christian Louboutin stilettos on top of a stack of legal books with the text “Like a Boss” in hot pink letters across the screen, and at the corner of my desk sat a coffee mug that read “Keep Not Settling.” Late nights and weekend work were just part of the grind, and I adopted an “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” mindset.
When I became a mother, I quickly found it impossible to maintain that hustle and also balance the immense responsibilities and relentless demands of motherhood. The pressure to excel in my career, maintain a nurturing home environment, and fulfill the myriad roles of a parent was overwhelming. The expectation to “have it all” and equally devote myself to the two led to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when my reality fell short of the ideal I had been sold. I quickly became overwhelmed, burnt out, and disheartened that I couldn’t find this elusive work-life balance. What was wrong with me?
Then I heard the following quote, which dismantled my unrealistic expectations and completely changed my approach: A perfectly balanced scale is the one that reads zero.
The balance I had been chasing was an illusion — a mirage in the desert. Work and life cannot be evenly split sustainably, nor are they completely separate entities that need to be weighed against each other. Balance implies a static state, yet our lives are beautifully dynamic. A binary approach to work and life is not fluid. It does not account for life’s challenges and demands that require constant negotiation and reevaluation based on our priorities and circumstances.
It isn’t about balance and equal devotion. Instead, it’s about synergy or finding the right constellation of a work-life blend that will look different for each individual. Personally, I don’t want to think about my kids only after 5 p.m., and I want to be able to check the day care app for updates throughout the day without feeling guilty.
Some days, work will take precedence, while on other days, family needs will come first. This much more flexible and integrative approach emphasizes that perfect balance is neither possible, nor is it necessary for achieving success as a mother or in my career. Acceptance of that has allowed me to find much more fulfillment, and I recognize that success in one area can complement and enhance the other. Synergizing makes for a more peaceful and enjoyable life.
I am able to work on a weekend or attend an evening board meeting without feeling guilty. Similarly, I feel no shame in drawing a firm boundary and saying no to scheduling hearings on an afternoon that I’ve blocked off for something as trivial as Safety City graduation. I want to show my daughters that ambition and pursuing passions can coexist with being a loving parent.
The demands of both career and family are ever-changing — sometimes depending on the day, let alone in season — which is why the pursuit of synergy, integration, or blending of the two is a nonlinear journey. It requires adaptability, flexibility and a willingness to redefine traditional notions of success.
The myth of work-life balance may persist, but the conversation is evolving, and it begins with giving up the pursuit of the phantom equilibrium — the unicorn — that is “work-life balance” and trading it for the pursuit of your individualized blend or synergizing of the two.
Eva Morales is a first-generation Latina, attorney, wife and mother. She has served as a prosecutor for the Polk County Attorney’s Office since 2015, handling exclusively child welfare and juvenile law cases. Outside of work, Morales is a member of various associations, boards and committees surrounding her interests in mentorship, law, early childhood development and serving the Latino community. She is also a military wife and the mother of two little girls. She is actively involved with her family and devoted to leading by example for her daughters.
