Guest essay: Starting over is a soulful act of bravery

Published by Macey Shofroth on February 10, 2025February 10, 2025

By Alex Sabbag, Guest Contributor

I was sitting behind my apartment building in Chicago on a tiny iron fence enclosing a small patch of grass when I became aware of my life’s biggest earth-shattering truth: I had hit the bottom and this moment, this season of my life, was as bad as it would ever get. I sat there watching my senior dog who was on bed rest hobbling around, doing his business, while my fiancé, the man I loved the most, was upstairs in our home dying of terminal brain cancer. This was it. I was at the bottom. And in hindsight, knowing you’ve arrived is no small victory.

I knew two things in that moment: 1. It couldn’t get any worse and 2. I wouldn’t be here forever. It was on that hot afternoon in July I realized I had a can of gasoline in one hand and a match in another. My entire life was about to burn to the ground and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had a choice: fade off into the abyss and bury myself in pity and self-loathing, or keep going and root down hard in the faith that there is light, knowing someday I’d be on the other side rising from the ashes of it all.

Spoiler alert, I did the latter. Six weeks prior, on my 33rd birthday, my boyfriend was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I dropped everything the day my boyfriend was diagnosed and accepted the role as his full-time caregiver. The very next day I also accepted his proposal to become his wife. Quite the shift — from small-business owner to cancer caregiver to fiancé.  I was frequently asked how I kept going. How I managed to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.

While I did keep going, it wasn’t pretty. The second the news hit my ears, I went straight into fight or flight. Never much of a runner, I doubled down in fight, consumed by the mentality that if he had even a .01% chance of survival, I was the woman for the job. I could fix this (so I thought). What got me out of bed was sheer determination. But in spite of the shadow side of being forced to embrace such a dramatic life shift, I kept getting out of bed because I had a place to go. Prior to his diagnosis I was an avid yoga practitioner attending hot power yoga classes four to five times per week. I was addicted to it and thrived in both the physicality and equanimity yoga offers. The neighborhood yoga studio became my home away from home, a sort of respite and reprieve away from the devastating reality I was forced to accept. Acceptance didn’t come easily and I resisted because I was so close to having the life of getting married and having a family. The life I always dreamed of. Until I wasn’t.

The first chapter in my book, “Soul Dive: My Journey into the Deep,” is called “The 2×4 Moment.” I define it as the moment in your life when you’re hit upside the head so hard you can’t see straight. One of those days when you wake up one way and go to bed another. They are life altering, unforgettable and often leave us not only beaten up but bruised by the aftershocks. While my experience might not look exactly the same as yours, I can tell you we’re not so different. We have all experienced the 2×4 moment that changed the trajectory of our life. And while we may default to relating to the experience, it’s really the emotions that rest beneath where we come together. The 2×4 moments bring hefty amounts of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Certainly all of these are feelings we can relate to in this human experience. Real life, especially the 2×4 moments, are great equalizers and divine redirects to make sure we get aligned with and stay rooted in our purpose.

I realized a few things over the course of my journey. First, you are not alone. Life is coming for you (if it hasn’t already) and we will all experience those defining 2×4 moments. Second, you have to laugh. Even when things are gut-wrenchingly heavy and your reality looks more like a Lifetime movie than a romantic comedy, do what you can to find the light. Third, keep going. It’s easy to give up. It’s hard to wake up every day and keep moving — especially when you don’t know what you’re moving toward.  

Here’s the thing. I had no idea what awaited me on the other side of that 2×4 moment. Reflecting back, it’s clear I was put on the Earth to do purpose-driven work. If it weren’t for that hefty (and quite traumatic) experience, would I have the gift of owning Soul Dive Yoga, penning my memoir or taking the stage to share my story?

No matter what life is putting in front of us it’s never too late to start over. Sometimes we become forced into it, and other times we make the choice. The reality of a fresh start is that it really doesn’t have to be so complicated. Every time we wake up in the morning we get a fresh start. Each new breath, fresh start. Each week, month and year (of course, a new year is the epitome of a fresh start). Starting over is deep soul work. Above all else, it’s brave.

When we do get slapped upside the head, remember to be grateful and trust that as you keep going and refuse to give up, you will undoubtedly find your way to the other side. It is there you’ll discover the new beginning that holds more peace and purpose than you could ever imagine. It just takes a heck of a lot of grit, grace and gratitude to rise from the ashes and keep going.

Alex Sabbag grew up in Des Moines and is a bestselling author, two-time business owner and entrepreneur. Her most recent venture, Soul Dive Yoga, was founded in 2022 in Palm Desert, Calif. Seeking solace in the practice, she not only found healing but also discovered a profound mission to share the transformative power of yoga with the world. Her debut memoir, “Soul Dive: My Journey into the Deep,“ is Alex’s story of resilient triumph, in and outside the studio, on and off the yoga mat. Through her voice, she hopes to empower and inspire others to embrace life’s challenges, surrender to the divine redirects and find greater peace, purpose and presence in their own lives. Learn more at www.soulfulalchemist.com.