I still remember sitting in a small, brightly lit office across from the hiring manager as he slid the offer letter across the table. My heart pounded. At age 24, I wanted to ask for more but the words never came. Instead, I smiled, thanked him and accepted. That same scene repeated itself in job after job. I told myself I was lucky to have each opportunity and convinced myself that asking for more might ruin the offer. Years later, I grew tired of feeling underpaid and overlooked. When I finally decided to experiment with asking for more, everything changed. In my next interview, I asked about salary flexibility, professional development funds and work hours. I even asked whether there was any room for adjustment in benefits. To my surprise, I received a better package than expected. That experience showed me something simple but powerful that I rely on even today: Asking helps, but only when I approach negotiation with confidence and the right frame of mind.

Despite the opportunity to use negotiation as means to advance, few women see negotiation as a significant factor in their success. In a recent survey of Fearless participants, only 12% credited negotiation with contributing to career growth. By contrast, 79% pointed to upbringing, 86% to mentors, 64% to education and 62% to partners. These results suggest that while women recognize the value of relationships and support networks, they often overlook negotiation as a key tool for professional progress and self-advocacy.

In an article called “Challenges Facing Women Negotiators,” from the Harvard Program on Negotiation, author Katie Shonk reviews decades of research showing that women face systemic barriers in employment negotiations. A separate Harvard Program on Negotiation article,“In Salary Negotiations, Women Do Ask,” reports that in 2006, Linda Babcock and her colleagues at Carnegie Mellon University found that women initiated negotiations far less often than men, a pattern contributing to the persistent pay gap that has remained largely unchanged from 2002 to 2023. Shonk discusses a 2007 study by Hannah Riley Bowles, Babcock and Lei Lai showed that evaluators penalized women who asked for higher pay, viewing them less favorably than equally assertive men. This double standard left many women reluctant to negotiate at all.

Recent research, however, indicates progress. Shonk reported that in a 2024 study of MBA graduates, Laura Kray, Jessica Kennedy and Margaret Lee discovered that 54% of women negotiated their starting salaries compared with 44% of men and 64% of women negotiated promotions or raises compared with 59% of men. Despite these advances, female graduates still earn only 88% of men’s earnings, a gap that widens to 63% after 10 years. As Kennedy explains, “Negotiating well is not enough to close the gender pay gap; it is not the source of the problem.” The gap arises primarily from differences in career trajectories rather than from negotiation behaviors alone, but improving negotiation can make a measurable difference.

A related Harvard Program on Negotiation article from 2025, “Gender and Negotiation: New Research Findings,” reveals that outdated stereotypes continue to shape negotiation outcomes. People often expect men to be dominant and women to be cooperative, leading negotiators to offer more concessions to men. 

The lesson from these articles is clear. Women’s negotiation success depends not only on skill but also on having the confidence to overcome societal norms and defy stereotypes. To make negotiation an asset, women should approach it as a collaborative process rather than a confrontation. Organizations must also play a role by ensuring transparency in pay ranges, reducing bias in hiring and promotion and providing mentorship opportunities.

Negotiation is not simply about asking for more. It is about believing that one deserves more and operating within systems that recognize that truth. That means navigating those inner messages about worth or confronting the hesitancy to speak up assertively.  When women bring that mindset to the table, they do not just secure better outcomes. They help redefine what fairness and leadership can look like for everyone.

I asked local leaders to share their experiences and advice on negotiating.

Kristi Kaye Burma, executive vice president and chief human resources officer, Athene

If I were to offer one piece of advice to other women about negotiating effectively, it would be to stop asking for permission and start owning your power. Know your worth, and walk into every negotiation with clarity, confidence and conviction. It is OK to be ambitious; ambition is not arrogance, it is leadership in action. 

Negotiation is not about confrontation or trading favors. It is about communicating value and leading with purpose. Preparation and practice are your secret weapons. The best negotiators do not wing it; they prepare, anchor their points with data and frame their asks around how their goals advance the business. And remember, no one becomes a great negotiator overnight. Seek out coaching and mentorship, watch others and practice consistently. Think of negotiating like a sport. What sport happens without practice? Like any sport, negotiation takes repetition, reflection and resilience. Do the work, keep improving and celebrate every win along the way.

Emily Schultz, managing director, BrokerTech Ventures

I received a piece of advice from my former manager, Suzanna de Baca. She told me, at a moment when I was nervous to ask a question, that the worst she was going to say was no, and she might say yes, so I may as well ask. Research shows that women often wait to ask for an opportunity until they have met every qualification, while men with similar backgrounds and qualifications move forward confidently seeking those same opportunities. We often expect ourselves to be perfect, and avoid “failures.” But negotiation, in my experience, isn’t about being perfect. It is about being willing to ask and using the potential “no” as simply another data point to inform your next steps. So my advice is: Ask for what you deserve. The worst thing they’ll say is no, and they might just say yes. But you won’t know until you ask.

Julie Heuton, vice president, people, talent and culture, Two Rivers Marketing

As an HR professional, I’ve spent a large part of my career negotiating — it’s an essential skill for managing people, achieving alignment and closing the deal or landing the hire. Negotiation skills are a powerful tool that you can apply to every decision, relationship and advancement in your career.

If I could coach my 25-year-old self on how to be a stronger negotiator, I’d say: First, listen to understand. What are the other party’s priorities and limits? Second, have confidence in yourself and your ask. One tip for building confidence is this: Rehearse your response to the worst-case pushback out loud. Hear yourself say it. If you are prepared and know how you will respond, you eliminate the fear of the unknown and enter the conversation with significantly more confidence.

Using this approach when negotiating — and communicating in general — builds the mindset and confidence you need to succeed in the workplace today.

Julie Caspar, president, HR Hotline Associates|assistant teaching director, Ivy College of Business, Iowa State University

I worked with a male colleague who was my age with a similar background. We held jobs at the same level but at some point, I discovered he was making a lot more money than me. I decided to confront my boss.

I laid out my case confidently and factually supporting a raise, citing the value my work brought to the company. I noted the equal contributions both jobs offered, but contended my job likely had a larger impact. My boss listened. When I was finished, he said, “I was wondering if you had what it took to come to me and stake your claim. It appears that you do.” I got my raise.

I was put in an unfavorable position, but I learned I had to stand up for myself because no one else would. I learned that reason and facts along with proving yourself go a long way. I learned courage and confidence come easier when I believe in the value of my work, the contributions I am making, and ultimately myself. 

Mary L. Wells, treasurer, Polk County 

My background, ranging from the military to financial services and currently serving as the Polk County treasurer, has taught me that strong negotiation takes research, collaboration, confidence and flexibility.  

The advice I offer women is: Do your research. You must bring to the table a toolbox of historical evidence, innovative ideas and strong reasoning to every negotiation. Come prepared with not just one number or one proposal, but a complete approach; definitive Plans A, B and C. Good negotiators show up prepared and always have a backup plan if the other party heads in a different direction. Being able to pivot on the spot proves you know your value, end goal, and what you are negotiating.  

I’m a straight shooter. People respect directness and transparency. Remember to be confident in your communication, clear and realistic with your expectations, and don’t be afraid to share bold ideas.